Scars
by Mernha
Summary: He peered at his skin closely, eyeing the whispers of cuts long healed, with only their footprints left, crisscrossing the skin of his bare arm. SasuNaruSasu Cutter!Naruto


Okay, yeah, I know. Another somewhat depressed fic from me in a span of what… three days? Anyway, my beta, Kaimi Hoshi, pestered me to put it up. This fic is somewhat of a… new experience for me. I'm venturing in brand new territory as, personally, I've never cut. The closest I have gotten is my one friend, who /used/ to cut, some years ago. She had since stopped, but when she did it, I remember her cutting small pictures into herself, not just gashes. So, if anything is wrong, or if cutting doesn't actually work the way I wrote it, I'm sorry. n.n;;;;;

Be prepared for possible OOC. This is probably AU... take it as you will.

Disclaimer: Since I forgot it for my last fic, I DON'T OWN ANYTHING! So there.

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Naruto closed his eyes and leaned into the spray of the shower, the hot water washing over the mop of golden hair as his fingers moved through it, sending cascades of soapy water to pour over his shoulders and run down his back. As soon as he couldn't feel the suds and bubbles that had risen up from the small handful of shampoo that he had oozed out over his head anymore, he sighed happily and reached up to adjust the nozzle of the shower head. He swivelled the head back so that it was no longer spraying directly at his face, but towards his ankles instead. The direction of the water was close to the drain, exactly where he liked it.

He grinned, rubbing his eyes to wring the warm water from them, blinking a few times before glancing over at the small mirror that hung up in the shower's wall, stationed by several small suction cups that held fast to the slick surface. He looked down at the small shelf that had been built into the shower's wall with baited breath, seeing bottles of shampoo and soap, but he ghosted over them, not paying them any attention. No, he was focused solely on one particular item, something that shimmered in the dim light of his bathroom's bare bulb, which could be seen through the top of the shower curtain. He picked it up with nimble fingers, knowing exactly where to hold it, making sure that it was steady in his grasp as he turned it over, inspecting it.

The item was something that was readily accessible to the teen, something that even he, on his low budget could afford. He smiled to himself as he brought it up to his eye, carefully peering at the edge of the blade, running the edge of his nail against it. His grin widened as he felt the blade slice through the nail, before inspecting the small nick in his thumbnail. Yes, this one was perfect. It was the blade of a pencil sharpener, a cheap one that had been easy to break. But, this one was new. The metal blades didn't keep forever, as he had discovered with his last one, dark rings of rust tainting the bright, shiny metal.

"Can't have that now, can we?" He asked himself, the discovery fresh in his mind. He looked down at his forearm, the tan skin. No, that was not the place. Too easily seen, he recognized. Slowly, he turned his arm upwards, to expose the pale flesh of his upper arm; a place that could easily be hidden by sleeves. He peered at his skin closely, eyeing the whispers of cuts long healed, with only their footprints left, crisscrossing the skin of his bare arm. "Time to relive, revive," He muttered quietly, gripping the blade of the pencil sharpener tightly in his hand. He reached over and pressed the sharp tip of the blade, which made up the corner, down, sinking it into his flesh.

He sucked the hot, moist air up, through clenched teeth as he felt the cool metal slide into his arm, as if it was made to be there. He unclenched his jaw and sighed to himself as he ran the edge of the blade down, tracing one of the old marks, the line turning an angry red as the blood came up to the surface and welled up at the top of the crevasse, congealing in small beads. Naruto opened his mouth and closed his eyes. This was what he was been waiting for. Yes, this was brought him happiness in life. As the line in his arm began to sting, he quickly repositioned his hand and traced another, intersecting the first one. He drew a few more, gaining confidence steadily and rapidly, before moving into the stream of hot water, watching the red mix with the clear as it ran down the drain. He loved how it looked, spinning in a circular pattern before slipping down the hole in the bottom of the shower. To Naruto, it was one of the most beautiful things in the world.

He decided to change sides, switching the sharp blade to his stronger hand. He held it to his other arm, looking carefully at the ghosts of former sessions before plunging the blade into himself. Pictures and scenes flew from his hand, spilled through the blade and etched into his flesh. He watched the blood leak out, flowing down towards his elbow, and drip down into the typhoon that was the shower drain. He looked over what he had drawn into himself, seeing the figures that he drew nearly every time show their faces once more. Two animals, a fox and a raven, locked in a never ending battle against a large and formidable snake which twisted itself around his arm again and again.

He rubbed at the area, cleaning the crimson away from his body, parting with the life giving liquid, and preparing the next place on which he would work. He looked down his front, both his chest and stomach covered in small, white marks. He frowned, knitting his eyebrows together. That wouldn't do… his arms… his legs… his chest and his stomach… they were all used. Used canvases, with all but the faintest marks faded away. Nothing was fresh anymore, nothing was new. How could he use himself as a tribute now? He scowled. All unviewable places of his body were already used, coated in hours worth of scenes, pictures… art. Art that displayed himself, the fox, and the unachievable, the raven. Oh, how the two would frolic.

"Looks like… fun," He said, looking up and down his arms and torso, watching the adventures of the two small animals come to life as they ran through his skin, playing together, hunting together, fighting together, just… together. "I wish it was like that, for real…" He said slowly, the loss of blood finally starting to take its toll on the blond's thinking. He blinked a few times, peering closely in the mirror. He looked at his reflection, seeing one spot where the scars had nearly faded into oblivion. "No!" He heard himself say out loud, pressing the blade in just underneath his collarbone.

"Six, letters. Six… letters. Six letters…" He said in somewhat of a chant as he carved the word into his skin, the curvy letters of the name spilling from the blade in an awkward, angular fashion. He felt the breath hitch in his throat as he repainted the name of his beloved into his body. He could not allow the marks to fade completely. As he finished the final letter, he turned to the mirror and looked at his reflection, the backwards letters striking in their red colouring. He traced them with his fingertip, saying the letters aloud, as if he was afraid that they would disappear once again if he did not finalize it.

"S…A…S…U…K…E…" He murmured, a slow soft smile coming to his lips. He brought himself under the shower head one last time, cleansing his body from the sticky crimson that ran down his limbs and dripped from his fingers. The blade was carefully put down, back in its place beside the shampoo. At last, when the water that rushed down the drain was clear once again, he reached down and turned the tap, stopping the flow. He slid the shower curtain away to the corner in one swift movement and reached out to grasp his towel, enjoying the warm calm that always followed these sessions of 'artistry'.

Naruto grinned, quite pleased with himself. He had turned himself into a walking, talking show of his devotion to his best friend. He was pleased with what he had done, yes, but he was also filled with a sense of dissatisfaction, which unnerved him. He scowled, wrapping the towel around his waist, and glancing into the larger mirror that hung over the sink, able to see nearly the entire mural that he had etched into his skin at once. He blinked, fingering a few of the newest additions, the sliced and severed flesh still raw. Suddenly, he realized what was plaguing him. He didn't know what to do next. He frowned. He instinctively turned his head around to look down at his back, seeing it as an open expanse of pristine canvas, as pure as the first snowfall.

He reached back and ran his fingers down the smooth surface, biting and worrying his lower lip. The temptation was too great to describe. He could feel the stinging sensation of the blade ripping through this unsullied surface, he could imagine the skin ripping open with ease as the blade skated across it. It would be so easy… but with a frustrated growl he turned his head away, ripping his fingers away. No, that pleasure would be for Sasuke. When he told Sasuke about his feelings, he would give him the surface he had spared, the skin unmarked and fresh, for him to carve whatever he wanted into it, to continue the story, continue the love.

Naruto felt an involuntary quickening of his heart, which made the brand new cuts throb, at the thought of confessing to his friend. Sasuke was everything that the blond was not; confident… compelling… a good thinker… well liked. Due to this, he always had plenty of attention from a lot of girls, and Naruto knew that he could easily have his pick of any one of them. Compared to all that, what did he even have to offer? Nothing but his love and devotion. Perhaps when he revealed his project, and explained the hours worth of meticulous work that had gone into it, Sasuke would realize just how serious he really was.

And so, for that one hope, Naruto nodded decisively, choosing to keep that one place pure, no matter how hard that task was. He would save it for Sasuke, no matter how long it took.

But he knew he would have to confess soon. He was running out of places to cut, and quickly. He looked up into the mirror, at his tired, sullen expression. Small drops of water hung from the tips of his hair, dripping down onto his cheeks. He beamed, his tired little eyes smiling back at him as an idea formed in his head. It was time to go into drastic measures. He was going to confess, and he knew exactly how to get a conversation with Sasuke towards that direction. He turned back, reaching into the empty shower, the water droplets that still clung to the surfaces cool to the touch, as he picked up the small blade one again.

This time, he ignored the various places he had cut before, places that stood out to him as they were easily concealed. No. This time, it would be as plain and noticeable as the features on his face, as that was where they were going. But, what should he draw? He pondered for a moment, allowing his eyes to ghost over the small images that he used to represent himself. The small army of foxes seemed to wink at him, their smiles encouraging.

"Fox whiskers," He muttered, his smile returning.

"Six. Six fox whiskers."

Six was a very important number for Naruto. It reminded him of Sasuke in every way, shape and form. He had been six years old when they had first met. It had been June, the sixth month of the year. They both had six letters in their first name.

"And when we're married, we will both have six letters in our last name," He said to himself, going through the reasons why six was so important. He was, of course, referring to himself taking Sasuke's name of Uchiha.

"So six whiskers. One for each lifetime I will never stop caring and loving him, no matter what. And when those six are done and used up, I'll just start all over again. No problem," He said softly, pressing the edge of the pencil sharpener's blade into the soft flesh of his cheek. It cut so much easier then the other places he had cut, the blade slipping and sliding easier then Naruto could have ever imagined. He grinned.

"One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six." He said, counting aloud as the slices were made, the blood running down his cheeks like crimson tears, leaving their sticky footprints in their wake.

As he washed the blood from his face, and ran his fingertip down the angry red lines, he felt the satisfaction overwhelm him. Until he had Sasuke running the blade down his back, adding his own particular flare to the art that coated the blond's body, he would be happy.

Because something told him that these scars would never fade.

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AN: Okay, now for the little explanation. I believe that it is possible that Naruto here could possibly do the things I presented in this fic. He lived alone, for years on end. Many people dislike him for reasons he doesn't know, or really understand. That can be extremely mentally stressing for a young mind. So, when something, such as Sasuke, comes into his life, he latches onto it, devoting himself to it. He loves him so much, but doesn't know what he can do, as Sasuke has so many other people to choose from. So, due to the mental stress in his life, he does the only thing he can think of to show how much he loves him.

Of course, with the whole six thing, that is also latching onto something of a particular significance to him. ;;;

Okay, this fic is not to promote cutting in any way. Self injury is not a good thing. If you injure yourself, or know someone who does, don't give up trying to stop them or yourself. Cutting has plenty of problems associated with it, and there are better ways to let go of the pressure. Talk to someone you trust, they'll help you.

Hopefully that'll help you understand what I was thinking about while writing this. Feel free to flame me, or tell me how to improve. :D


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